A Lost Soul
by ShadowFox070405
Summary: Victoria recently lost her mother, her only living family, but she's rewarded for the pain caused by her mother's death. Will she continue to be cold and heartless or will this mysterious Nathan warm her heart?
1. Is He For Real?

What exactly is grief and depression? This question has plagued our minds and us since, almost, the beginning of civilization. All peopled of this earth has experienced grief at least once in their life. But what is it? Some say its sorrow, a deep mental anguish over a loss. Others have said it's an emotional reaction to the loss of a dear. In my eyes, both are correct but with an addition, what one may say, definition. Grief is something that cannot be taught nor defined, although some have created definitions most likely from personal experiences and/or studying others experiences and reactions. Along the road, as one or many, the question of grief and depression will become clearer and finely tuned.

* * *

In the dark, the curtains were drawn, a young woman whimpered,

"Mom, why did you have to go? Why now?"

Her eyes were red from tears. Her hair, tussled, nappy, and disoriented from crying since. In her group of friends and family alike, she felt alone; none to comfort her in her time of need. Sweet 16 passed. All her friends wished her happiness and joy; family wished the same. But to her, it is not enough.

"I just want to hear my mother's voice wishing me a 'Happy Sweet 16th Birthday' but it will not happen."

Years passed; still the pain would not go. It remained in replacement to the void in her heart. Boyfriends came and went; still the pain would not go. Finally her friends convinced her to go to the Fourth of July Fireworks. She shrugged and went anyway, deep down hoping and wishing to find someone who will care and understand.

Hours passed in the day; still no one has bothered to ask. Finally, a guy with dusty blonde hair and chocolate brown eyessat down next to her in her circle of Juggalo and Juggalett friends. He said his name was Nathan. The woman nodded and replied her name in order to be polite: Victoria. They befriend one another and something happened. The pain in her heart slowly faded the more shewas with her newfound friend, Nathan. As usual, the Goth girl began to wonder,

"Don't fall for this guy. He's probably just like all the others."

Later that night, before the fireworks celebrated our nation's independence, she realized the pain of losing her mother has diminished.

"What's wrong with you, Victoria? He's just like all the guys. Watch, he and I will start dating and later on down the road, he will leave me for some blonde strutting her finely tuned and tanned legs around, making him come running."

She sighed and put on her 'yes I'll go out with you' smile. She mastered that smile. From all the guys who have dropped to their knees for her she'salways had to smile her perfected 'yes I'll go out with you' smile.His mother, Pat, gave her a ride home later that night and the pain in her heart, filling the void, returned.

The next day, she went on with life as though the previous night had never happened. That is until she got a call. She shrugged it off, thinking it was one of her girlfriends calling to brag about how love has entered her life and all, not even realizing Victoria's already depressed state. So she went on through the day ignoring phone calls to her house and cellular phone. Until that night, her 'boyfriend', Nathan, had been trying to get a hold of her all day.

"Sorry about that. I haven't been feeling well and I've been resting all day." She was always good at that. Lying that is,

"I was calling to see if you wanted to go to a movie tomorrow night but if you aren't feeling well then…"

"I'm sure I will be fine. What time do you want me to be there?"

"Around seven or seven-thirty. Is that good?"

"Yeah. I'll be there."

They hung up. She sighed, slowly getting frustrated.

"Why is that a problem?" her councilor asked, acting as though she actually understood Victoria's problem.

"I don't know. Every time I'm with him, the pain seems to fade away, almost disappear completely."

"And what is the void filled with otherwise?" the bright colored dressed poor excuse for a professional councilor asked. It took her awhile to answer. Not because she didn't know the correct answer but because she need the courage to say,

"Love."

After several dates to the movies and parties, Nathan pulled Victoria off to the side while hanging out one night.

"Victoria, sweetheart, I need to tell you something."

She knew somehow that shewas right from the beginning.

"He's leaving me for another girl. I knew it. I knew it all along!"

Tears unwilling began welling up in her eyes. She looked down as to hide until she felt his hand on her cheek. Her head was tilted up just in time for her lips to be captured by his.

"I love you." He whispered into her ear gently.

It was exactly two months ago when the two started going out. Ever since that night under the stars; since that kiss, the pain never came back. She, the lonely Goth girl by the name of Victoria Night, became a glowing young woman who fell in love.

The day was beautiful; sun; the sky blue with perfectly white clouds moving ever so slowly. Victoria was on her back porch, drawing, when she heard a voice. She paused, listening, but heard nothing.

"I guess no one's going to help me with these groceries I took time out of MY life to get!"

There it was again. It sounded a lot like her mother's voice. Victoria's heart began pounding and thumping against her chest. She dropped her sketchbook, seeing her mother walking down the driveway with arms full of bags. Tears began pouring down her face,

"Mom!" she screamed, running to her mother. Her mother dropped the bags and held her crying daughter.

"I thought you were dead! I thought I'd never see you again! I though..." she opened her eyes. A pile of ashes lay on the ground in front of her; her arms and face were covered in ash.

Sheets and pillows flew across the room. Screaming, Victoria awake, her eyes wide and cold sweat ran down her forehead.

"M-Mother…"

In the dark, a woman whimpered and cried. She stood and stepped to her stereo. Soon after, Broke by Seether and Amy Lee began playing. Her soft voice followed along with Amy's.

"The worst is over now. And we can breathe again. I wanna hold you high and steal my pain." She continued, "There's so much left to learn… and no one left to fight. I wanna hold you high and steal your pain."

Sighing, she grew tired of music and turned off her stereo. She fell against her comforter and stared into nothing. Sleep slowly consumed her during the night. Tossing and turning kept interrupting her dreams and sleep.

Victoria's day was incredibly slow and tiresome. The nightmare truly disturbed her concentration. She couldn't tell her beloved Nathan or he'd think she was crazy and leave her. But if he truly loved her like her said, why would he leave? That particular question stuck in her mind like a fly on honey. It would not go away.

"If he truly loves me," mumbled Victoria in class.

"Excuse me, Miss Night? Do you have something to add to my lecture?"

"No."

She liked simple answers. 'Yes', 'no', and 'maybe' were her favorites. Explaining 'why' all the time was, although helpful to others, quite annoying.


	2. Love vs Family

The characters and plot of events in this story belong to me, ShadowFox070405. Please **DO NOT** use them as your own without my permission. If you wish to use my characters, please ask me first. Thank you.

* * *

Nathan's love for Victoria was like a never-ending fire. Continuously burning brightly for as long as Victoria had a breath inside her lungs.

"Something keeps her from affection." He says, writing in just one of her journals, "I have to find out what.

He glanced over to a ring he had bought just in case he ever fell in love.

"If things between she and I keep going like this," he wrote, "I am marrying her."

His mother, having met Victoria already and gotten to know her, overheard what her love-struck son had said. Anger, along with hatred towards Victoria, rose and formed into something terrible inside her dark heart.

"She's taking him away from me. That bitch, Victoria, is taking my Nathan away. She's corrupted his mind into making him think he's in love."

"Ever since that day of the fireworks, ever since that kiss under the stars, I've finally found the one I truly love," a young dusty blonde boy mumbled while writing in his journal again. Pictures of little red hearts were drawn around someone's name. He smiled, remembering how he had met his angel, Victoria.

A few days passed still no word or phone call from Victoria. He began wondering, worrying. Why hadn't she tried to call? Did something happen? Finally the phone rang. Nathan answered it like there was no tomorrow.

"Hello!" he almost screamed into the phone. There was crying and whimpering on the other line,

"Nathan? Is that you?" the crying voice said,

"Victoria, sweetheart, what's wrong?"

It took awhile for Victoria to talk through her crying.

"A nightmare… I had a nightmare."

"Of what?"

She forgot. She never told her boyfriend her mother had died. She never told anybody.

"My mother," she started, "passed away last year I keep having this reoccurring nightmare and-and…"

Nathan shushed her, "Victoria, where are you now?"

"Home."

"Stay there. I'm coming over."

In about fifteen minutes, Victoria saw an old Buick Century pull into her driveway. She lived alone so she didn't have to worry about parents. It _was_ almost two in the morning.

When Nathan knocked on the door, Victoria quickly opened it and practically leaped into his arms, crying. He held her as best he could. Stroking her hair, he made shushing noises in her ear, attempting to calm her down.

"The dreams won't go away! They won't…" She gave up trying to talk though her crying. Nathan's small and calming whispers pushed her to sleep. Shegrew tiredin his arms, groaning quietly and exhausted from crying. Nathan lifted her up and carried her to her room, laying her down slowly as to not to disturb her.

He glanced over, seeing her stereo playing but no music coming forth. As he turned the knob marked 'volume', 'Broken' began playing again. Victoria tossed and turned, attempting to sleep peacefully. Nathan glance over at her restless body and gave a sadenning look towards her.Victoria's beloved walked over and quietly as he couldand sat down next to her, running his hand through her deep andfull brown hair.Laying next to the sleeping Victoria, he grew tired and exhausted but attempted to stay awake throughout the night to watch over his Victoria. Only a few minutes passed before both Nathan and Victoria were drifting throughout the land of dreams.

Victoria awoke the next morning and was greatly surprised to see Nathan asleep next to her.

"He stayed with me through the night." She smiled, watching her beloved sleep peacefully. She brushed a lock of hair from Nathan's sleeping face. He stirred and turned over, cuddling with the black velvet comforter. Sleep began to return to Victoria, making her drowsy. It was only 6:30am and she did have a restless night. Her eyes closed slowly and pretty soon she was free in the land of sleep and dreams.

**I'm looking for my one and only**

**Every time I turn around**

**I find my heart in pieces on the ground**

**So so lonely**

**I'm looking for my one and only**

A passage in Victoria's journal really sent cupid's arrow through Nathan's heart.

"My one and only…" he repeated glancing over to the sleeping Victoria. He read on,

**I'm looking for my one and only**

**Every time I turn around**

**I find my heart in pieces on the ground**

**Why can't I find my one and only?**

"She's been hurt a lot in her life, Mom. She needs someone to love her the way she is meant to be loved. She needs me."

"She's seventeen! How can she know what being hurt is like?"

"Apparently she's had more experience than either one of us has."

"Love is something to be taught not something you just know!"

"Love is **not** something to be taught! Love is something you learn over the years. People don't go to school and take tests on love. Over the years, people learn on their own through their own mistakes. Love is **not** something to be taught." He said sternly, strongly defending his love for Victoria.

"How can you love her? You've been going out with her for only two, almost three months."

"That doesn't matter! I…"

"You can't love her! You are my son and if I have to I will find a way to keep you apart!"

"What the-? Who are you to tell me who I can and cannot love!"

"I am your mother and you will do as I say!"

Nathan gritted his teeth and stood up rather fast.

"Mom, if you can't be happy for my then maybe you shouldn't be a part of my life," calmly he said. Pat, his mother, glared as if to pounce on her prey.

"How dare you," she threatened, "You think just because you are 20 years old you can do whatever whenever? Well not while you are living with me Nathan!"

**For all who have read what I have written**

**Know that I, Nathan Shardae,**

**Have hope again within Love**

Victoria read on through the note Nathan had given you the previous day.

"I have found hope again within love," she repeated, reading that passage over and over again.

"How can someone like him, sweet, kind, polite, not to mention handsome too, fall in love with me? I'm nothing important. So how…" her thoughts were suddenly pulled to a halt but the tone of her cell phone. It was Pat.

"What do you want?" Victoria almost snapped.

"Nathan was arrested last night. He was taken the Annapolis Police Station in Maryland."

"He was what!" At first she thought Pat was just messing around with her head and that she was telling her this so she'd stay away from Nathan. That is until she saw the news,

"Nathan Shardea was arrested earlier this morning on suspicion of arsine."

Victoria dropped the phone, eyes wide with welling tears. She heard a faint laugh from the phone but wasn't sure enough to realize if it was real.


	3. Released

* * *

The following few days were horrible. Thoughts on how this will affect their relationship. An image of his mother screaming at her thinking all this was her fault. And worst of all, mental images of Nathan behind the bars of the jail cell. 

Tears constantly poured in fear for her love's safety. As Victoria stepped outside, the sun peeked through the clouds as thought afraid of her presence. Thinking fresh air will sooth her worried and stressed nerves, she took a few too many deep breaths. Her head began to feel like a balloon; dizziness and drowsiness took over and soon she collapsed, falling onto her green front yard.

A few hours passed before she regained consciousness. Her good friend, Allen, had seen her lying on her front lawn and carried her inside to her room,

"Wha-? Allen? What are you-?" she remembered the news story on television and began to panic,

"Allen we need to go to the Police Station in Annapolis! Nathan-!" Allen clamped his hand over Victoria's panicky mouth,

"Would you shut up for 30 seconds? I know about Nathan. That's why I'm here." He smiled, looking down at Victoria. The look on her face made him laugh. Victoria's eyes trailed to who was standing behind Allen,

"Nathan!" she screamed, leaping out of bed and into Nathan's arms. He smiled and held her as she began smacking his chest.

"How in hell do you expect me to live when you're putting even more stress on my shoulders?" she screamed at the top of her lungs at him. Nathan stood there; feeling bad when Victoria sighed then kissed him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know I was supposed to be arrested. I didn't know anything."

"Anyway, how'd you get out?"

"Your friend, Allen, paid my bail. My mother didn't have the money, or so she said, so Allen came down and bailed me out."

All Victoria really cared about was that her 'baby' was out of trouble.

"You had me so worried." She cried into his chest as he held her. Allen was Victoria's ex-boyfriend but his feelings for her still lingered; and seeing Victoria, whom he still loved, with another guy really put a black knife through his heart. But seeing Victoria happy was all Allen needed to go on with life.

After all the excitement during the past week or so, Victoria needed a break. A break away from her problems, away from Nathan's psychotic mother, especially Nathan's psychotic mother, and away from everything else.

So, she created the idea to try to get her boyfriend, Nathan, to come with her and a few of her friends on a road trip. Well, needless to say, Nathan's mother has a few words of her own,

"Hell no you are not going!" Pat ranted and raved. "She's almost eighteen…"

"Exactly! She's almost eighteen years old and as I recall, you said yourself once she was eighteen, she and I can do whatever we want together."

His mother growled and clenched her teeth. She was actually silenced. She had no comeback; no lecture; nothing. Nathan grinned with success and triumph.

"God damn you to hell!" Pat snapped at him.

"Mom, why can't you be happy for once in both our lives? I'm finally happy with someone and you're trying to break Victoria and I up!" he tried keeping his voice down since his pit bull, Lacy, was cowering under the kitchen table.

"I'm tired of arguing with you about this. I'm going to bed." His mother quickly snapped then took off to bed. Nathan fell back into his sofa, totally exhausted from arguing and fighting with his mother over his love for Victoria.

Victoria rose the next morning excited and hyper. She couldn't wait for the upcoming week. A whole seven days for just her and Nathan. That's all she wanted; a day, or in this case seven, alone with her one and only. And Victoria's sure Nathan wanted this too.

She had so much to get done. There was packing, packing, and more packing. Also, there was the issue of where to go. Victoria has been everywhere almost. That is except Alaska.

"Oh hell no! I am not going to Alaska My…" she abruptly stopped her sentence. Nathan looked strangely at her facial expression,

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

"My father's in Alaska. He and I have a rather long and…. cruel history together. He…. did something to me that I will never forgive him for."

"Victoria, I don't know what happened between you and your father but if you don't get over it, you'll never move on with life."

"If only you knew," she trailed off, fighting back tears. Nathan tilted his head slightly to get a better look at the weeping girl who stood in front of him. His eyebrows were raised with confusion,

"If only I knew what?" he asked, his hands placed on her shoulders lightly. She caught his eye, her own full of tears,

"What he did to me…" a single tear ran down her face as she wept, burying her face in his chest. She heard his uneven heartbeat and his breathing becoming uneven and harsh. She glanced up, his face was red but he acted as though he had no idea what was wrong.

"Nathan, are you alright?" she reached up slightly, putting her palm against his cheek when he finally gave in. He clutched his chest on the left side, where his heart was, as he fell to his knees.


End file.
